Grief is Sneaky: It Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries!
Twitter Post Yesterday from Cheryl Smith
Grief is funny like that. You’ll be moving along doing your thing, and suddenly it’ll hit you. Today would have been Mom’s birthday. Or my brother died 10 years ago this week. Or it’s getting close to being Thanksgiving, and she’s not going to be there — again. And suddenly you’re sad. The tears may even come.
Whether or not you chose to consciously remember anniversaries of events in the life of a loved one you’ve lost doesn’t really matter. Your subconscious remembers for you, and when you least expect it, it will remind you. Or maybe, it won’t bring it all the way to the surface of consciousness. It’ll just let you know by making you feel blue or grouchy or however your grief wants to express itself at the moment. And while you’re trying to figure out why you’re feeling that way, it’ll suddenly dawn on you — it’s almost the anniversary of …
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the loss event. It’s still going to pop up.
But it does matter how important the person was/is to you. Since grief is our God-given way of expressing how important someone we have lost was in our lives, it will show up in both how intense and how frequent these involuntary episodes are.
I’m glad that we never “get over” the loss of a loved one, that our subconscious gives us these bittersweet reminders. They allow me to keep expressing thanks to God for the role that individual played in my life, even if that expression of thanks is sadness, tears, and pain. I glad He understands.
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WOW – you’re exactly right. And as I said yesterday, er, tweeted to you yesterday, very perceptive.
Interestingly, after my ex-husband and I divorced, I had this angst on Father’s Day for the first few years. It, too, would sneak up on me. It wasn’t until the next morning as I took the time to process thoughts in my journal, that I realized what was going on.
Your post is so accurate. Perhaps you should re-post at Thanksgiving and Christmas too.
Blessings!
Yes, we suffer from ‘grief attacks’ at the unexpected times. And the loss of my dad and my son within five months has been so tough. So many things about my dad’s loss bring to mind things about the loss of my son.
Cheryl — Thanks for the comment, and I will re post about this around the holidays. Many people are surprised that divorce raises up all the grief stuff, but it does.
John – Thanks for visiting the site and commenting. You’ve really been though a lot this year, and yes, grief events are additive. Every time I have a new one come up, it raises up all the past ones. Experience teaches us how to deal better with the new ones, but that’s countered by the renewed grieving for the earlier losses. Tough stuff for sure. Blessings to you.