Hospital Visits: Don’t Give Advice!
Don't give advice.
Giving advice is a hard habit to break.
In the workplace, we’re often rewarded for having answers and suggestions. In our interpersonal relationships, many of us feel that our value is being able to help people figure out what they need to do. And, in some of us, a codependency gene rises up and we think it’s our job to fix folks by telling them what they should do.
But when you make hospital visits, don’t give advice.
Don’t use phrases that begin:
“If I were you I’d …”
“What you should do is …”
“What you need is…”
“If you’d only … then …”
“I know a … who can …”
If the person you visit expresses frustration with the medical staff, listen to their frustration, and maybe ask if patient advocacy is being helpful in resolving the issues. Don’t suggest that she change doctors or add to her frustration by chiming in with your opinions on the medical staff’s performance.
If he mentions problems with insurance or housing or parking, listen and make him feel heard. Sometimes patients like to talk about these kinds of things as a way of getting rid of frustration with everything else that’s going on as well, and just being heard is enough. If, however, it seems that the issues need further attention, you might ask if they are working with their hospital social worker, and how that’s going.
You see, it’s not our role to take on their problems and suggest solutions. Hospital patients have a whole team of people who have the expertise to help them with medical issues, problems with the service they’re getting, and even with their needs for help with insurance companies, temporary housing, and paying for parking.
What they need from you and me as we visit them in the hospital is simply our caring presence, and a willingness to listen.
Photo Credit: Laughlin
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