Difficult Seasons

tw3nty3ight's Twitter Post

When you share life with folks through social media, you’ll find stories that grab your heart.

tw3nty3ight (Billy Fairchild’s Twitter handle) has been on a journey few of us can even imagine.  His young son suffered respiratory failure and died recently.  You can read more of the story on his blog.

Rather than tell you the story of the wonderful support his virtual community has provided (you can read that for yourself in his blog or Twitter stream), I want to focus on the statement in this particular post shown in the photo.  It has so much to say about where we find ourselves in the early stages of grief.

In the early days, when you try to look ahead, you see nothing but darkness.  You can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel, the promise that some day, you’ll emerge from the darkness.  So fear of the future is a normal reaction.

In the early days, looking back brings intense pain, pain to be avoided.

So your comfort comes not from looking behind or ahead, but from looking beside you, at those that are sojourning with you, and at the One whose presence carries you through each day, one at a time.

Thanks to Billy for sharing his grief walk, and allowing us to sojourn with him.

Tweet from Mary DeMuth

Sometimes you see a phrase, and it sticks in your mind.  And replays again and again.

“I feel full and empty all at once.”

Earlier Mary DeMuth had written on Twitter a post that explains this one.  She had finished her latest book, but at about the same time, her stepdad’s wife died.  Full, and empty.

Because I’d read the first tweet,  I understood the second.  And it started me thinking about times I’ve felt the plurality of emotions.

The ones I thought of were a little different.   So happy that my Granny Hughes was no longer trapped in her body devastated by Lou Gehrig’s disease, so sad because this once vibrant woman was gone.  So happy that my mom was in a new body, not one which had quit functioning because of liver cancer, but sad that she wasn’t here to talk to, to share life with.  And I’ve got more examples.

It’s fascinating that our hearts can hold such polar emotions together at the same time.

What can you add to the conversation that Mary started in my mind?  I bet you have some examples from your own life, times when you’ve felt full and empty all at once.

And you’ll also want to check out Mary DeMuth’s website as well!

I’m holding my breath.

As I’m writing this on Sunday night, I’m aware of an organization that tomorrow will go through staff layoffs.  I’m anxious for friends within the organization that might be laid off.  I’m also mindful of friends who will have the assignment to deliver bad news.  It’s going to be a difficult day for everyone concerned.

These are difficult times for lots of folks.  One of my twitter friends was called into a meeting Friday.  He’s a survivor, but noted that the parking lot will have empty spaces this week because others are not.

You also probably know people in organizations going through layoffs.

None of us are untouched, whether we’re directly affected or not.  We’re all grieving, whether we’ve lost our job, or friends or family have lost their job.

So tonight I’m holding my breath.  And praying.

Termination Letter

What happens to an organization that lays people off?  They suffer.  Severely.  The productivity of the organization declines, and the quality of the company’s product or service declines.

An interesting article at HR.com provides some sobering statistics.

• 74% of employees who kept their job amidst a corporate layoff say their own productivity has declined since the layoff.
  
• 69% say the quality of their company’s product or service has declined since the layoffs.
• 77% of surviving workers say they see more errors and mistakes being made.

Even though I’ve survived a number of layoffs myself,  I still find the magnitude of these statistics frightening.

As I’m aware of universities, hospitals, oil field service companies, and all manner of other businesses going through or about to go through layoffs, I’m deeply saddened.  And worried about the larger effect on our communities, upon our nation.

• What happens if a major hospital suffers a decline in staff productivity, a decrease in service level, and an increase in errors and mistakes?
• What happens if a university suffers a decline in faculty productivity, a decrease in service levels, and an increase in errors and mistakes?

What about your organization?  If you’ve gone through layoffs, what kind of productivity declines have you seen, what kinds of errors and mistakes have you seen?  Is it possible that the cost of the lower productivity and the higher errors and mistakes far outweighs cost savings from personnel reductions?  My guess is yes.

photo:  Shadrach Christopoulos (Flickr)

Not how Dad sleeps!

Dad called me Saturday afternoon from a local ER to tell me he was about to be released.  It’s not the first time he’s called me after the fact.

“What’s going on, Dad?”  “Oh, I did a dumb thing and took too much Ambien.  I thought I could just sleep late.  But I fell and got an inch and a half cut on my head.  They’ve stapled it up, and are about to let me go home.  Figured I might as well go ahead and tell you before I see you at church in the morning.”

Then I knew why he hadn’t called.  You see, this isn’t the first time he has abused Ambien and fallen.  There was the time 3 years ago when Eloise and I were visiting him.  He was so out of it that we took him to the ER because we were afraid he had suffered a stroke.  It also happened a few months ago.

We were able to help him stay off of it for a long time after the initial fall.  But he has trouble sleeping, and eventually found a doctor that was willing to prescribe it for him again.  When we talk to him about it, he says, “But you don’t understand my problem sleeping!”

To be honest, I don’t understand his problem with sleeping.  I hit the pillow, and I’m gone and don’t wake up normally until morning.  So it is hard for me to relate.

And since I’m being honest about that, I’ll also tell you that I really don’t know how to deal with this continuing problem in the best way.  I want to protect him from falling, because one of these times he’s going to hurt himself seriously and not be able to get up.  I also want to protect me from him doing that.

So I’m continuing to work hard to convince him of the very real danger of his behavior.  I’m going to try to enlist the help of his doctors as well.  I may even remind him of the advice the ER doctor gave three years ago — that he should be put in assisted living and have them regulate his medications.  And I hope that’s successful.

The problem is, my dad is still able to make his own decisions, go to his own doctor visits, and frankly choose whether or not he abuses Ambien.  Taking this independence away, assuming that I could in the first place, would likely be a cure that has far more severe consequences that the original problem.

So I’m conflicted today.  And praying about it.  And working on it.

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Photo Credit: Mike Bitzenhofer Flickr