Saying No is Hard for Me

I don’t know about you, but saying no is hard for me.

There are lots of reasons why saying no is hard for me.

  • I like helping people.
  • I like doing new things.
  • I like being liked.
  • I’m not very good at estimating how much I can get done in the time available.

But yesterday morning, I said no three times.  Two times were to myself.  One was to a friend.

It was a morning when there was simply more to do than could be fit into the time available. So I made myself stop and sit down, and spend a few minutes thinking about what was going on and why.

Then instead of going to a meeting I really wanted to attend to show support for the folks there, I sent an email expressing my support, and apologizing for not being able to be there. Interestingly, there were several responses from others who were not able to attend the meeting either.  So at least some of us who wanted to but were not there had a conversation.

I also sent an email to a friend who had invited me to be a part of a fun project that I would really enjoy doing, and told her I really just couldn’t.  And I made myself defer a couple of things I wanted to accomplish yesterday morning.

Someone posted something last week that said, “You have to say no to say yes.”  I’m still trying to learn that lesson.  It’s part of working on observing the principle of Sabbath.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 at 11:56 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Amy VanHuisen says:
    April 22, 2009 at 9:07 am

    Something I learned awhile back from someone wiser than I am: sometimes my “no” provides the opportunity for someone else to say “yes”. Their “yes” may be a means to great growth or service, so, even in my “no” I am contributing positively–although, that in itself shouldn’t be my motivation.

    I think Jon Swanson’s word “focus” interfaces with the whole idea of knowing when to say “no”.

    Have you read Swenson’s (sp?) book “Margin”? (It’s old, so I guess you likely have–was a life-changer for me, even though I never really read the entire thing, just rubbed shoulders with my husband for whom it was revolutionary.)

    Amy VanHuisen’s last blog post..God, How Could You Do That?

  2. Jim Hughes says:
    April 22, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    I did read Margins way back when, and the principles keep coming back to me. I just got caught Monday morning with negative margin! As for focus, it’s about as hard for me as saying no :-) .

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