Difficult Seasons

I received this the other day from my friend Allen Thyssen.  Normally I wouldn’t just cut and paste, but this article is so good I want you to get to read it, and it’s not possible for me to just link to it.  I’ve done a little editing to make sure the folks involved can’t be identified.

The following posting was made by the daughter of a cancer patient who is currently in ICU.  It is a touching testimony to the value of a ‘ministry of presence.’  Please pass it on as you see fit. (Allen)

Update…well we are about the same.  We are just waiting to see if the liver will decide to get to work.  As we sit here with broken hearts we see just how merciful God is.  Even with all of this going on we received a good word from an unsuspecting source.  We were going through a difficult time and I guess this individual could hear me crying.  He comes up and says “I know I am a total stranger but I just wanted you to know I am here for you”.  Then his first question was “does your father know the Lord?”  We then began talking and he said “if we spent as much time praying for lost people as we did to keep the saved here with us…what a different world it would be”.  This fact has been evidenced by dad and his life.  If you remember, just a few days ago dad was witnessing to his nurse.

We then learned his grand-daughter has been fighting cancer,  and in the last 7 years she has had 11 surgeries.

While his grand-daughter is in ICU facing additional surgeries he took the time to reach out and comfort me.   I want to take the time to thank this man.  I don’t even know his name but God sent him to comfort me at just the right time.

Deathbed confessions carry more weight in law than normal confessions.

That’s because we believe that a dying person has nothing to gain by telling a lie, and everything to gain by telling the truth.

The same logic also makes us pay special attention to words spoken to us from a dying person.

Lots of people became acquainted with Debutaunt (Deborah Greer-Costello) during her battle with cancer through the internet.  She blogged extensively about life and her illness.  Through her suffering, she attracted legions of followers, many becoming true friends who never met face-to-face in this life.  Deb often requested prayer, and her requests were quickly relayed through Twitter.

Here’s a handwritten note relaying one of those requests on Flickr.

Deb passed from this life on May 18, 2009.  But she had her final say — posted today by her sister Steph on her blog.  She knew she was dying, and she had a lot to say.

Give yourself a blessing today, and read Deb’s final post.

“Vegging Out” and “Chilaxing” are popular descriptions for taking it easy.  These activities, or lack of activity, may be restful and pleasant, but they may not recharge your batteries.   You probably shouldn’t count them in the ten percent of your waking hours reserved for self care.

Why?

Because activities that recharge your reserve have some specific characteristics.

• Recharging activities engage your mind.
• Recharging activities involve doing.
• Recharging activities touch your spirit.

Here are some activities that I find recharging:

1. Golf.  Playing a round of golf requires both mental and physical activity.  There’s also often a beneficial social component.  And I benefit from playing golf by mentally replaying some of the good shots even days after the fact.  Like all sports activities, golf can turn into a negative event if you take yourself too seriously.
2. Fishing.  Fishing also has both mental and physical components, as well as often a social component.  The anticipation of the trip and the replay of the experience add bonus benefit.
3. Photography.  Photography for me not only is a mental and physical activity, but it engages my creative side, both in taking the photos and then in processing them.  It helps me relive events and experiences, and viewing my photos often brings a smile to my face.
4. Exploration.  I love finding new-to-me stuff.  For example, a leisurely stroll through my local HEB Sienna Market with a cup of coffee in hand checking out some of the more exotic offerings can recharge my spirits in a great way.  Browsing through a good book store does the same, as does a visit to a good sporting goods store.

There are more activities that are recharging for me, but you’ve gotten the idea.  These may not work for you, but you have other activities that do.

What’s important is to discover what they are and  do them regularly.

Do you reserve ten percent of your waking time to take care of yourself?  If not, you’re likely in the fast lane on the road to burnout.

Burnout is the result of using up all of your reserve.  This happens when we are spending all of our time using up ourselves — for work, for helping others, for caregiving, for service, or any other number of normally good things.  We push it to the limit, and we’ll do okay for a while.  Then suddenly, we can’t continue.

While I’m not sure where the ten percent rule came from, or even if the number is absolutely correct, I do know that if we’ll just spend a small fraction of our time recharging, we’ll be able to maintain the reserve to avoid burnout.

Now this isn’t high math, but 10% of your waking time works out to about 1.5 hours a day.  Or it could be 3 hours every other day, or 5 hours every third day, or one day a week.

There are several key things about how you use this time.

1. It has to be time you do something for you — not for someone else.
2. Some of it should be quiet, meditative, activity.
3. Some of it should be exercise.
4. Some of it should be doing activities where you just lose yourself.  We often call these passions, because there’s an emotional high we get from doing them.
5. Some of it should be for socializing — the kind that recharges, not that drains.

So how much time are you devoting to self care?  Is it enough?  What activities do you find most effective for recharging?

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a good candidate for compassion fatigue!

Burnout is serious!

When you’re burned out, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak, and it’s difficult to muster up the energy to care—let alone do something about your situation. The unhappiness and detachment burnout causes can threaten your job, your relationships, and your health. (Helpguide.org)

Compassion Fatigue is serious!

It is now recognized as a secondary post traumatic stress disorder.  While the label may seem nicer than “burnout” at first, doing a little reading on the subject soon convinces you that it may in some ways be even more scary.  Since compassion fatigue may be more what Difficult Seasons readers face than regular burnout, let’s look at a few facts.

Leading traumatologist Eric Gentry suggests that people who are attracted to care giving often enter the field already compassion fatigued. A strong identification with helpless, suffering, or traumatized people or animals is possibly the motive. It is common for such people to hail from a tradition of what Gentry labels: other-directed care giving. Simply put, these are people who were taught at an early age to care for the needs of others before caring for their own needs. Authentic, ongoing self-care practices are absent from their lives.  (Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project)

Take a good look at yourself.  Is one of your life commandments “Take care of others before you take care of yourself?”  That’s certainly true for many people I know.

• I’m told that a high percentage of people who become chaplains have a story of significant trauma or suffering in their own lives.
• Many who work in the healing arts enter the field because of their desire to make a difference in the lives of people suffering illness.
• Many, maybe most, of us who are family caregivers inherited our caring and compassion from family members who set an example.

These are not bad things, just things that make us more susceptible to compassion fatigue.  To avoid it, we must adopt new behaviors, sometimes modify or choose to disobey life commandments, and always be self aware.

So, how are you doing?  Here’s a questionnaire that will provide you feedback on compassion satisfaction and fatigue.