What Are You Communicating About Yourself and People You Encounter?
We communicate to every person we pass in the hall, encounter in a restaurant or store, or share space with wherever.
We either communicate to each person that they have value, or we communicate to them that they don’t have value to us.
If we make eye contact and smile, we communicate in a very strong way that we have recognized their presence, and that we are pleased to share space with them, if even for a moment.
If we avoid eye contact and a smile or nod, then we likewise communicate in a very strong way. Except this time the message that person receives is, “I don’t recognize your presence, or if I do, I don’t think you’re worthy of my even brief attention.”
There is no neutral.
I was reminded of this truth again yesterday in a series of Twitter posts by Kay Swain (@sandwichINK). Kay was writing about some time she spent in a wheel chair, and how people would avoid eye contact and act if she wasn’t even present. Since Kay writes about caregiving, she was applying the importance of being aware for when those we care for end up in wheelchairs. Kay’s working hard on making eye contact and smiling now. She learned the lesson first hand. Thanks for the reminder, Kay!
Then this morning, my friend David Martin, a chaplain in the Fort Worth area for Lifeline Chaplaincy, wrote an article on the same subject in the Lifeline Chaplaincy blog. David titled the post, Too Easy to Dismiss. He also talked about people in wheel chairs, but broadened it to anyone who is “different.” (It’s perfectly fine with me if you click on David’s link and read it before you finish my post.)
This is one of those subjects it would be easy to rant about. But I won’t, in part because it’s something I have to continually work on. So rather than preaching, I’ll settle for asking a couple of questions of myself and you as well.
- What do we communicate about ourselves when we fail to notice, make eye contact with, and give a smile or nod to everyone we share space with, even briefly?
- What do we communicate about those people to those people we fail to acknowledge?
- Do we really want to be that kind of person?
I’m sitting at Panera Bread as I write this. A young lady in the next booth is also writing, and as she got up and went to refresh her drink, we made eye contact and both smiled. It wasn’t hard, it only took a second, and it felt good.
Won’t you join me in working on this?
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What a great article. Thanks for letting me know about it
The interesting thing is that I never purposely didn’t make eye contact. It’s often more a matter of taking the time to go out of your way, even when you are busy, to look in a different direction – up, down, beside you, etc. We are all doing so much, staying so busy. But you’re right. We need to think about what we communicate when we don’t take that extra bit of time. Thanks for some good thinking points! 
Thanks, too, for the referral to Lifeline Chaplaincy. I enjoyed that article as well.
Have a blessed day!
.-= Kaye – SandwichINK´s last blog ..Swine Flu Tools Update for Grandparents and Senior Home Care Givers =-.
Thanks for the invitation…I accept.
.-= Amy VanHuisen´s last blog ..Consider What You’ve Seen =-.
Of course you’re right, Kaye. Generally avoiding making eye contact is not something we do on purpose — it’s more habit and being self-absorbed. There are times, however, when it probably is purposeful — trying to avoid seeing someone who is scarred or in pain. We don’t want to “stare,” or we don’t know how to respond. But I’m learning that these folks appreciate the eye contact and smile most — and if you smile and say “Hi,” then no one will think you’re staring. Maybe if some of us will start working to buck the trend, it’ll rub off on others!