Difficult Seasons

“Vegging Out” and “Chilaxing” are popular descriptions for taking it easy.  These activities, or lack of activity, may be restful and pleasant, but they may not recharge your batteries.   You probably shouldn’t count them in the ten percent of your waking hours reserved for self care.

Why?

Because activities that recharge your reserve have some specific characteristics.

• Recharging activities engage your mind.
• Recharging activities involve doing.
• Recharging activities touch your spirit.

Here are some activities that I find recharging:

1. Golf.  Playing a round of golf requires both mental and physical activity.  There’s also often a beneficial social component.  And I benefit from playing golf by mentally replaying some of the good shots even days after the fact.  Like all sports activities, golf can turn into a negative event if you take yourself too seriously.
2. Fishing.  Fishing also has both mental and physical components, as well as often a social component.  The anticipation of the trip and the replay of the experience add bonus benefit.
3. Photography.  Photography for me not only is a mental and physical activity, but it engages my creative side, both in taking the photos and then in processing them.  It helps me relive events and experiences, and viewing my photos often brings a smile to my face.
4. Exploration.  I love finding new-to-me stuff.  For example, a leisurely stroll through my local HEB Sienna Market with a cup of coffee in hand checking out some of the more exotic offerings can recharge my spirits in a great way.  Browsing through a good book store does the same, as does a visit to a good sporting goods store.

There are more activities that are recharging for me, but you’ve gotten the idea.  These may not work for you, but you have other activities that do.

What’s important is to discover what they are and  do them regularly.

Do you reserve ten percent of your waking time to take care of yourself?  If not, you’re likely in the fast lane on the road to burnout.

Burnout is the result of using up all of your reserve.  This happens when we are spending all of our time using up ourselves — for work, for helping others, for caregiving, for service, or any other number of normally good things.  We push it to the limit, and we’ll do okay for a while.  Then suddenly, we can’t continue.

While I’m not sure where the ten percent rule came from, or even if the number is absolutely correct, I do know that if we’ll just spend a small fraction of our time recharging, we’ll be able to maintain the reserve to avoid burnout.

Now this isn’t high math, but 10% of your waking time works out to about 1.5 hours a day.  Or it could be 3 hours every other day, or 5 hours every third day, or one day a week.

There are several key things about how you use this time.

1. It has to be time you do something for you — not for someone else.
2. Some of it should be quiet, meditative, activity.
3. Some of it should be exercise.
4. Some of it should be doing activities where you just lose yourself.  We often call these passions, because there’s an emotional high we get from doing them.
5. Some of it should be for socializing — the kind that recharges, not that drains.

So how much time are you devoting to self care?  Is it enough?  What activities do you find most effective for recharging?

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a good candidate for compassion fatigue!

Burnout is serious!

When you’re burned out, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak, and it’s difficult to muster up the energy to care—let alone do something about your situation. The unhappiness and detachment burnout causes can threaten your job, your relationships, and your health. (Helpguide.org)

Compassion Fatigue is serious!

It is now recognized as a secondary post traumatic stress disorder.  While the label may seem nicer than “burnout” at first, doing a little reading on the subject soon convinces you that it may in some ways be even more scary.  Since compassion fatigue may be more what Difficult Seasons readers face than regular burnout, let’s look at a few facts.

Leading traumatologist Eric Gentry suggests that people who are attracted to care giving often enter the field already compassion fatigued. A strong identification with helpless, suffering, or traumatized people or animals is possibly the motive. It is common for such people to hail from a tradition of what Gentry labels: other-directed care giving. Simply put, these are people who were taught at an early age to care for the needs of others before caring for their own needs. Authentic, ongoing self-care practices are absent from their lives.  (Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project)

Take a good look at yourself.  Is one of your life commandments “Take care of others before you take care of yourself?”  That’s certainly true for many people I know.

• I’m told that a high percentage of people who become chaplains have a story of significant trauma or suffering in their own lives.
• Many who work in the healing arts enter the field because of their desire to make a difference in the lives of people suffering illness.
• Many, maybe most, of us who are family caregivers inherited our caring and compassion from family members who set an example.

These are not bad things, just things that make us more susceptible to compassion fatigue.  To avoid it, we must adopt new behaviors, sometimes modify or choose to disobey life commandments, and always be self aware.

So, how are you doing?  Here’s a questionnaire that will provide you feedback on compassion satisfaction and fatigue.

I’m concerned about burning out.

I don’t want to lose my passion, my drive, my desire.

And I’m concerned about you as well.  I don’t want you to hit the wall, to not have the energy to carry on.

All of us who care for and serve others, whether it’s our profession or something we do for family or as ministry, are candidates for burnout.

We have developed different phrases for this phenomenon.  Sometimes we call it compassion fatigue.  Sometimes we use the term, “hitting the wall.”  But “burnout” is probably the term that is most used.  Regardless of the label you put on it, it has the same results, and the causes are the same.

So I’ve decided to write a series of posts on Fighting Against Burnout.  I’m writing it for us.  For me, because I’m seeing some warning signs, and I need to renew my vigil and my protective actions.  For you, because what you do is too important to be compromised.

Here’s a question for you to think about as we begin.  How much reserve do you have in your life right now?  Enough to handle one more crisis?  Enough to take on one more assignment?  Enough to not feel stressed, overwhelmed?

It was just strange.  Today’s visits at the hospital had a theme — the support of family and friends is precious.

As I went from patient to patient, the theme just jumped out.

It started with a patient getting ready for a stem cell transplant talking about how important his support network of friends and family are.  When we got ready to pray, he asked me to pray specifically for them, because they were going to be doubly important to him in the coming weeks.

I visited with a woman struggling with cancer whose daughter and son-in-law had come in from out of town to be with her.  The woman was struggling with news of her condition, as was her daughter.  But they were together.

In another room, I visited with with a couple who had only been in the country a few months.  He was dying, and they had no family or friends in the country to provide support, only a fellow employee.  I was thankful for this man providing support to this couple during an incredibly difficult time.

Then as I was getting a glass of tea in the cafeteria, I ran into a couple I had visited with many times in the past.  He helped her with her food as we sat and visited.  And we talked about how important having each other is.

What I observed today is no surprise to anyone who has been through a tough time.  Family and friends play a valuable, supportive role.  And when they’re not available, or don’t exisit, things are just more difficult.

With this background, maybe there are a couple of points to think about:

1.  If you are currently estranged from family and/or friends, now is the time to heal those relationships.  There will come a time when they need you or you need them.

2.  Don’t wait to let your family and friends know what’s going on when you enter a difficult season.  Let them into your situation, and help them understand how they can provide the support you need.

3.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to provide support to those who may be without family and friends.

So, who’s going to be there for you?  And who are you going to be there for?  Two very important questions to consider as we experience life together.