Difficult Seasons

The husband of one of the patients I visited today remarked that all you have to do is walk around the hospital pod to find folks that are dealing with more difficult things than you are.

I hear that statement often. In part, it’s a way to deal with what’s happening to them. When what you’re going through is difficult, it somehow helps to recognize that others are struggling with stuff that is just as difficult or even more so.

There’s another side to this reality, though. When you spend time at a major cancer treatment center, you see a lot of good people dealing with really difficult life situations. What I witness in my weekly visits never fails to be a sobering reminder that life as we like to think of it can be rudely interrupted at any moment in time. I’m also impressed each week that there are huge numbers of people dealing with these interruptions. And I know from experience that for many of these people, these interruptions will not end well.

It’s this weekly dose of reality that reminds me that this world we live in is deeply flawed. Disease flourishes, damages, kills. I’m sure that a regular experience in the criminal justice system provides similar reminders of the flawed nature of this world. And you can probably think of other situations that equally provide this same reminder.

Life on this earth, as precious as it is, is not perfect. Which is why I’m so thankful that our God has given us something perfect to look forward to.

Some hospital visits are just fun!

That’s what this picture is about.  Our grandson Ben made his first visit to a hospital to see someone — his newly born baby sister Madi.

At one point, he even introduced himself.  “Madi, my name is Ben.”

Everything was great for Ben, including getting to know Madi and getting to eat birthday cake and sing happy birthday to Madi again and again.

Ben Meets Madi

We all join Ben in welcoming Madi, and we’re so thankful for a healthy baby and mom.

A big Aha! occurred to me yesterday during one of my visits with a hospital patient.

I had been visiting for quite a while with a woman, recently diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer, and with her husband.  We had talked a little about the disease, but part of what was going on was that they hadn’t received a final diagnosis and treatment plan from the doctors yet, so there was anxiety about that.  And of course they were both still in shock that this was happening to them.

It was interesting that during the conversation, I’d ask the wife a question to give her the opportunity to talk about how she was doing with all of this, and before she could get started good, her husband would jump in and divert the conversation.  I could tell that she wanted to be able to tell me, and I could also tell that her husband didn’t want to see the pain that she might express — the purpose of his interruption.  So we talked lightheartedly about what was going on.  And he kept doing the same thing.

So as our visit reached the time for prayer, I looked to the woman, and saying her name, asked, “I want to know what you would like to pray about.”  And then I made eye contact with her husband to make sure he understood, and he did.  And here’s where the aha! came in:  when she hesitated a moment, I asked, “What is the one thing that is your biggest concern right now, the one thing we can pray about?”

Immediately, and with a voice full of emotion, she said, “Being able to deal with whatever comes.”

She had just named her biggest fear, the thing that she was struggling with most at that moment.  And the emotion in her voice told her husband and me how important that fear was, and how important it was to her to be able to say it out loud.

So that fear was what we prayed about, thanking God for His presence, and asking His help in dealing with whatever comes.

It’s a great privilege to pray with someone, and I want to do it in a way that honors both God and the person I’m praying with.  So I made a mental note to ask more often about the one thing people would like to pray about, the big thing they’re struggling with at that moment.  Praying specifically about the one big thing may be more meaningful for someone than praying about several more general needs and desires.

While visiting with a man yesterday who was in the process of dying, he asked me to pray with him and his family who had gathered to support him.  So as has become my practice, I looked him in the eyes and asked him what he’d like to pray about.

What he said was something like, “Pray that like Abraham, I’ll find a path.”  As I grasped the word picture he was painting for me and his family, I immediately heard the words my mom spoke to me years ago as she knew she was dying.  “I’m not afraid of dying, of what’s on the other side.  I’m just afraid of the process of dying.”

This minister of 40 years was helping us understand that he was on a journey into a foreign land, like Abraham, and that he didn’t know the way, but that he was wanting and trusting God to take his hand and lead him to his destination, the promised land.

Everyone fears the process of dying.  Even Jesus had anxiety about the process as he spent the night before his death in the Garden praying about it.  So it’s okay if we’re anxious, if we’re fearful.

Like Jesus, we pray about our anxiety, our fears.  And like this good man, we pray that God leads us through this unknown territory, showing us the way.

In the sidebar under my photo, you’ll notice that I’ve published an e book on Making Hospital Visits.  It’s a collection of some of the things I’ve written about my experience in visiting hospital patients, an I’ve published it in hopes that it will be useful both to those who are experienced in making visits and also for those who have little or no experience.

It’s easy and free to download.  Just clicking on the link will open the e book as a pdf file, and then you can choose to save a copy from the menu and/or print a copy if you prefer.

I hope it blesses you in this important outreach to people in need.

And by the way, I’d appreciate any suggestions for improving the content or adding material to help you with things that have not been covered.