Eloise, my sweet wife of 42 1/2 years, hurt her knee in late spring (from playing with the grandchildren of course).  It was so painful for a few weeks that she could barely walk, and actually it hurt too much to drive.  Difficult stuff for a very independent woman!  It certainly changed her day to day life, and naturally mine too.

She had begun experiencing wrist and arm pain even before she hurt her knee.  Because she works on the computer so much, we naturally assumed it was carpel tunnel.  But not working on the computer brought no relief.

Her first stop was her internist.  He wasn’t quite sure what the knee injury was, but he recognized the wrists and hands as Rheumatoid Arthritis, and recommended she see both an othorpedist and a rheumatologist.

While waiting to get in to see the orthopedic guy, the knee began to improve.  He diagnosed it as a torn meniscus and prescribed exercise.

While waiting to get in to see the rheumatologist (8 week wait — underserved specialty you know), the pain from the arthritis continued to get worse, and began showing up in more joints.  Almost you name the joint, it was painful.

Eloise is a professor of education, and thankfully had the first part of the summer off.  She had regained her ability to walk and drive by the beginning of July when she began teaching two graduate classes.  While it’s been quite painful, she has taught like a trooper.

Yesterday was a big day.  We got to go see the rheumatologist, praying that she would offer us hope of relief and improvement.  And thankfully, she did exactly that.

From across the room, she told us that there was no doubt that Eloise had rheumatoid arthritis.  Her physical exam revealed that it is affecting most joints — not a surprise to us.  But it was great to receive a definitive diagnosis, to know that treatment could begin, that relief was on its way.

The most encouraging thing to hear was the doctor saying, “My goal is to help you get back to 100%, and I have every confidence that we’ll be able to do just that.”  She talked to us about treatment plans, what the starting point would be, and how we could expect things to progress.  The plan included some things that would help in the short term while the meds that will control the RA begin to work.

Eloise asked for and received a handicapped tag.  Those of you who have watched her trying to get around have no questions about her need for one.  But the doctor told her that it would only be a temporary tag because she was going to get better and not need it.

Hope.  It’s a huge thing.  Eloise doesn’t feel better today physically, but she certainly does emotionally because of hope.  We’re thankful beyond words.

Tweet About WSJ Article

For example, we can have cancer, and our perspective may be, “I’m dying of cancer.”

Or, we can choose to have a different perspective:  ”I’m living with cancer until I pass.”

This example is from an article in today’s Wall Street Journal discussing a program for helping cancer patients deal with their illness.  While it’s dealing with cancer patients being able to find meaning for their lives in the face of their illness, it has a lot of value for those of us facing other challenges.  I highly recommend that you read it.

With cancer, nearly everyone’s biggest fear is dying.  But it’s usually unspoken, unsurfaced even.  Once it’s surfaced, the fear can be dealt with.  One can choose to adopt a perspective that gives life meaning and purpose, that takes control away from the fear.

But this principle is much more widely applicable.

Any chronic illness — heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and any of so many others — generates fears.  What if I have another heart attack?  What if I have to live in a wheel chair?  What if I …?

Your fear may not be from a medical condition, but from a situational condition.  What if I lose my lose the ability to live at the standard of living I’ve become used to?  What if I lose my job?  What if I …?

So what fears are you, or those you love, living with that haven’t been dealt with?

How could you, or could they, benefit from a change of perspective?

Worth some thought!

I’ve never been a fan of early mornings.  Even for fishing, although that’s about the best reason I can think of for getting up early.  Eloise and I enjoy late evenings and slow starts to the morning.

Tomorrow morning’s difficult for another reason.  Dad’s procedure is to remove a tumor from his bladder.  The doctor seems confident it’s cancer.

Fortunately, the procedure itself is quick, although performed under anesthesia.  It only takes about 30 minutes to perform, and then after a couple of hours to let the anesthesia effects dissipate, he will be able to go back to his apartment.

We’ll appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we take this step which will help us learn what’s next.

The following posting was made by the daughter of a cancer patient who is currently in ICU.  It is a touching testimony to the value of a ‘ministry of presence.’  Please pass it on as you see fit. (Allen)

Update…well we are about the same.  We are just waiting to see if the liver will decide to get to work.  As we sit here with broken hearts we see just how merciful God is.  Even with all of this going on we received a good word from an unsuspecting source.  We were going through a difficult time and I guess this individual could hear me crying.  He comes up and says “I know I am a total stranger but I just wanted you to know I am here for you”.  Then his first question was “does your father know the Lord?”  We then began talking and he said “if we spent as much time praying for lost people as we did to keep the saved here with us…what a different world it would be”.  This fact has been evidenced by dad and his life.  If you remember, just a few days ago dad was witnessing to his nurse.

We then learned his grand-daughter has been fighting cancer,  and in the last 7 years she has had 11 surgeries.

While his grand-daughter is in ICU facing additional surgeries he took the time to reach out and comfort me.   I want to take the time to thank this man.  I don’t even know his name but God sent him to comfort me at just the right time.

That’s because we believe that a dying person has nothing to gain by telling a lie, and everything to gain by telling the truth.

The same logic also makes us pay special attention to words spoken to us from a dying person.

Lots of people became acquainted with Debutaunt (Deborah Greer-Costello) during her battle with cancer through the internet.  She blogged extensively about life and her illness.  Through her suffering, she attracted legions of followers, many becoming true friends who never met face-to-face in this life.  Deb often requested prayer, and her requests were quickly relayed through Twitter.

Here’s a handwritten note relaying one of those requests on Flickr.

Deb passed from this life on May 18, 2009.  But she had her final say — posted today by her sister Steph on her blog.  She knew she was dying, and she had a lot to say.

Give yourself a blessing today, and read Deb’s final post.

As I went from patient to patient, the theme just jumped out.

It started with a patient getting ready for a stem cell transplant talking about how important his support network of friends and family are.  When we got ready to pray, he asked me to pray specifically for them, because they were going to be doubly important to him in the coming weeks.

I visited with a woman struggling with cancer whose daughter and son-in-law had come in from out of town to be with her.  The woman was struggling with news of her condition, as was her daughter.  But they were together.

In another room, I visited with with a couple who had only been in the country a few months.  He was dying, and they had no family or friends in the country to provide support, only a fellow employee.  I was thankful for this man providing support to this couple during an incredibly difficult time.

Then as I was getting a glass of tea in the cafeteria, I ran into a couple I had visited with many times in the past.  He helped her with her food as we sat and visited.  And we talked about how important having each other is.

What I observed today is no surprise to anyone who has been through a tough time.  Family and friends play a valuable, supportive role.  And when they’re not available, or don’t exisit, things are just more difficult.

With this background, maybe there are a couple of points to think about:

1.  If you are currently estranged from family and/or friends, now is the time to heal those relationships.  There will come a time when they need you or you need them.

2.  Don’t wait to let your family and friends know what’s going on when you enter a difficult season.  Let them into your situation, and help them understand how they can provide the support you need.

3.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to provide support to those who may be without family and friends.

So, who’s going to be there for you?  And who are you going to be there for?  Two very important questions to consider as we experience life together.

Here’s part of the original post Jen was responding to:

I have never been able to go some place and talk about my childhood without being accused of feeling sorry for myself or using others to get therapy sessions; when all I really needed was a friendly shoulder and/or prayers for the new feelings and pain I was experiencing.

Now, here’s what Jen added to the conversation:

You’re stealing someone’s story by either telling something of your own that correlates (to you at least) in order to give it value, thus telling the Teller that their experiences have no value beyond what you have felt or known, OR you are stealing the validity of that person’s feelings by offering a “solution.”

Anytime we listen to someone tell a story, one of our stories that is stored in our memory banks is brought to consciousness.  And that forms the basis of a lot of social conversation — I tell my story, you tell a related story, and we enjoy the time together.  And in a casual social setting, that’s perfectly fine.

But when a friend begins to tell you a story of trauma or illness, then your role in the conversation changes.  It’s time for serious listening, not for chit-chat.  Your story will still come to consciousness, but instead of telling it, use it to help understand something of what the story teller is relating to you.  Because when you tell your story in this kind of situation, you’re devaluing their story, making them not feel heard.  And this advice goes double to those of us who hear such stories in a pastoral caregiving setting.

People who have suffered abuse, those who have suffered trauma, and those who are struggling with severe illness deserve to be heard and their stories valued.  And those of us they honor with their trust need to recognize that we’re on holy ground.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long until one of my Facebook friends read the post and commented on Facebook that they used Facebook for that purpose.  I have in fact noticed a growing use of Facebook to do exactly that in my circle of friends.

In yesterday’s post, I didn’t mention Facebook primarily because people who are not your friends on Facebook don’t/can’t see the information.

But the likelihood that your friends and family are in fact on Facebook is  changing fast.  There are currently 200 million people who have a Facebook account, 60 million of them in the U.S.  That’s one out of every five Americans alive.  Further, the over 35 demographic of Facebook has doubled in the last two months.

That means that a lot of your friends and family who will be interested are on Facebook.   So, depending on your situation, it may be a very viable communication tool for this purpose.  And it’ll get better by the day.

In fact, within a year, I won’t be surprised to see it all but replace the specialized web applications like CaringBridge and CarePages.  Why?

1. People are already using it for other communication with friends and family.  They’re all comfortable with it, it’s easy to use, and it’s rapidly becoming second nature.  Why use something else?
2. I believe that within a year, most people that use the web at all will be using Facebook.  It is rapidly becoming THE communication tool that we all are on and using.

So, what’s your take.  Do you think Facebook will replace CaringBridge and CarePages?

You’ll soon find that if you don’t have a good way to keep people informed that you’re going to spend a significant amount of your time telling and retelling the same information to folks that care and want to know.  And you’re also going to be spending time correcting incomplete or incorrect information as well.

So deciding on a good vehicle that allows you to provide the information once and yet keep everyone that wants to be informed up to date is valuable. There are several good ways to do that.

The first two are similar web-based products, CaringBridge and CarePages.  Both allow you to set up free webpages with photos, the background story, and updates, as well as providing a way for friends and family to provide messages in response.  Both also allow you to select from a variety of privacy levels, depending on your wishes.  Your friends and family can subscribe to email notices of updates.  These services are very easy to set up, requiring little if any tech knowledge.

Another good option is setting up a blog.  Blogger and WordPress are two leading services that provide free blogs, and both are relatively easy to set up and use.  The advantage of setting up your own blog is that you have more flexibility in design and how you use it.  A disadvantage can be that subscription by friends and family can be a little more challenging for those that are not tech savvy.  However, you can rather easily add the capability to subscribe by email to help them out.

I’m a big fan of all of these services, and currently I’m keeping up with a number of people through them.  If you’re not familiar with them, check them out.

“I’ll be able to get better there.  I can eat what I want to eat when I want to eat.  I can sleep all night.  I’ll just feel better.”

For some of the people I visit, when they say home, they really mean home.  For many others, “home” means an apartment close to the hospital.  But for those folks, that temporary home is still home compared to the hospital.

It’s easy for me to believe them, because there’s no place I’d rather be than home.  I always feel better at home.  I feel more like me when I’m home.

So I’m pulling for all of them.  There’s no place like home.  Especially if you’re in a hospital.