Difficult Seasons

In the Fall of 2005, my daughter Sara and I taught a five-week class at church for family caregivers.  What we certainly didn’t expect is that the class would spawn a community that continues to meet weekly three and a half years later.

Family members providing care for other family members affects almost everyone at some point in their lives.  Folks who have attended our group have been or are caregivers for parents, spouses, siblings, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

The causes for caregiving have spanned a wide range:  aging; dimentia; cancer, stroke,  and other chronic diseases; mental illness; and physical handicaps.  And frequently, the caregiver has also had to deal with the death of the loved one they were providing care for.

As we’ve met together in community, we’ve discovered that most of the basic principles of caregiving are universal, whatever the age of the person we’re providing care for, no matter what the nature of the need that requires caregiving is.

Today I’m kicking off a series of posts to talk about these caregiving principles, about the things that we’ve learned together in our group.  Along the way I’ll tell some stories, as well as discuss the principles.   Whether you’re currently a caregiver or just know that you will be in that position at some point, I think you’ll find them useful, and something you may want to share with other caregivers you know.

As a preview, I’m reminded as I write how important we’ve found being in community with other caregivers is.  In fact, of the more than 100 folks who have come in and out of our group, almost all express at some point how good it is to find other people that know how they feel as a caregiver.

Care giving isolates us.  We don’t know if what we’re experiencing and feeling is normal.  We only know it’s stressful, and often painful.

But being in community helps.  Community provides us information we can use, provides us emotional and spiritual support, and allows for ongoing learning.  If you’re a caregiver, or know someone who is, find or help them find a support group to meet with regularly.

Or better yet, start one.  It’s a huge blessing for everyone involved.

Garage 10

I’ve been thinking about parking garages this week.

Sunday, the family gathered at First Colony Town Center for lunch.  After lunch, I went with my 84-year old dad to his car to get some documents, and ended up having to direct traffic to help him get backed out.

It’s a busy garage, with people coming and going and in a hurry to get parked and get on with what they’re doing.  Dad actually did a good job backing out and getting going.  But I couldn’t help but notice the impatience of the folks who had to wait for him to do it.  Frankly, I was a little angry with them.  My dad’s ability to drive himself is precious to him, as it is to the rest of us, and if he needs a few seconds more to maneuver out of his parking place, that seems a small price for the rest of us to pay.

On Monday, I parked in Garage 10 at M. D. Anderson.  It’s an even larger garage, with 12 stories plus roof parking, and each level holding hundreds of cars.  I parked on 11, an indication of how busy the hospital was.  I thought about the people who park there who are patients, many not feeling good, who must navigate getting to and from their vehicles, backing out, and going through the pay stations.

Sometimes in Garage 10 there will be a car driving slower than the rest of us want to go.  Wouldn’t it be good if I’d just think about that person and show grace?  They may be overwhelmed by being in such a big place, or they may not be feeling their best and just trying to get it done.  Other times, someone will have trouble getting their car to fit in a space.  Wouldn’t it be good if I just sat patiently and gave them time?  And sometimes, wouldn’t it be good if I’d stop and let someone back out when I see their brake lights come on?  Those moments could even be used for prayer.

Like the people I was angry with Sunday, I have some of what my dad calls “ME FIRST!” in me.  I’m working on it, trying to become more of a “You First” person.  It sure doesn’t come naturally, though.  But it’s part of the living-upside-down life that God calls us to.  And I know that Dad and others will be blessed if I can change. And if you will join me in trying.