Difficult Seasons

It’s Christmas night, about 11:00, and I just sat down to do some thinking about the past few days.

They’ve been good.

But sometimes they’ve also been a little challenging.

We have a new puppy, and she doesn’t play well with others yet. I was stubborn, and refused to board her. I’ve paid for it. She’s now chewing on her toy Sara gave her. Actually, she’s chewing on the shell of the toy, as she has already gotten to the stuffing which I removed and threw away. But she doesn’t seem to care much.

Eloise and I have learned to answer the same question again and again as if it’s the first time it was asked. My mother-in-law is visiting for a few days, and her short-term memory problem is worsening. But she has had a great time playing with great grandchildren and being with family, and we’re thankful she’s here.

I think it adds so much to have four generations together for Christmas, as we did today with Reba and my dad being part of the celebration. Their traditions that they handed to us are a big part of how we celebrate the season.

Our daughter-in-law Kathy’s parents are also in town, and we’ve gotten to spend time with them last night as we had tamales and opened some gifts at our house and again today at lunch at Mark and Kathy’s as we opened more gifts.  It’s so good to share grandchildren with such fine people.

We’ve had wonderful food — some of it traditional in our family, and some new things which may become part of the our tradition. Sara made Alabama Fruit from her grandmother’s recipe, and Kathy made a corn casserole that’s become part of the tradition. Last night’s tamales was a first for us, but it’s a long-time Texas Christmas tradition, and likely one that will become a standard for us as well.

But with all of this good food has come lots of dishwashing and cleaning. Our last load just went in the dishwasher a little while ago. Good things come at a price.

I guess what I’ve been thinking about is that our Christmas this year is just a slice of life. It’s the joy of family being together sharing food and each other, but also the challenges that this life brings. Part of it’s fun, and part of it’s hassle, and part of it’s just plain work.

But as I think over the past few days, what I choose to dwell on are not the challenges, not the hassle, not the work. I choose to dwell on the smiles, the laughter, the joy seen on the faces. I’ve captured many of those digitally, even more through the camera of my mind. And I’ll replay them again and again in coming days.

I hope your memories of this Christmas are also ones of joy!

Late Monday afternoon, we received really good news from Dad’s doctor.  The pathology report on the tumors and surrounding tissue removed from Dad’s bladder last week turned out to be a noninvasive, non-aggressive type of cancer, and it had been completely removed.  That means that he doesn’t need additional surgery or chemo or radiation and can just be checked every three months for reoccurrence.

As my daughter Sara said on hearing the news, “The quality of life just got better for all of us.”

We’re certainly rejoicing in this unexpected good news.  Our thankfulness is hard to even express.

But my joy and thankfulness is tempered by awareness of what is happening to others.

• That same evening Eloise and I attended the viewing for a dear friend, spending some bittersweet time with his wife. They were like extra grandparents for our kids when they were young, even keeping all three to allow us a special trip to Amsterdam.  Less than a week elapsed between his cancer diagnosis and his death.
• At the same time as our good news was being broadcast in our church’s prayer email, the news was also sent out that a friend’s mom diagnosed with lymphoma six weeks ago was going home with hospice care.  She passed peacefully last night.
• I did chaplaincy rounds yesterday afternoon at M.D. Anderson, spending time with several people who have not received good news.

My awareness makes me realize all the more how special good news is, and it fuels my thankfulness.

My awareness also makes me more compassionate to friends and sojourners whose news is not good.

And I understand better that life is a bittersweet mixture of rejoicing with those who are rejoicing, and mourning with those who are mourning, and that both can be happening at the same time.

I’ve been writing about self care.  You might want to look at this and also this as background.

We live near an elementary school.  So when I step out on the back porch during the day, I’m often greeted by the shrill delight of school children enjoying recess.  I suspect some of the activities are organized games, as the sounds I hear are cheers.  Other times, I’m pretty sure it’s just kids doing what they do at recess, and expressing their joy at the fun they’re having together on a break from the serious stuff they’ve been focused on in the classroom.

A couple of things generally occur to me as I listen to them.

1.  The noise coming from the school playground can best be described as pure joy.  They’re having fun, and they’re expressing their joy with squeals and screams and they’re loud about it.

2.  I find myself wondering why they get to have recess, but the rest of us don’t.

I remember recess.  It was a long, long time ago, and my memory is not the kind that generally remembers specific details.  But I remember recess, both in my early school years in Abilene and later elementary years in Sioux City.  In fact, as I try to remember my elementary years, specific memories can probably be counted on both hands — and recess pictures are about a third of the total.  It was that important.  I’ll bet if you just close your eyes for a moment, you’ll be able to remember recess too!

So if recess was that important, why isn’t it still important?  Why does recess end with elementary school.  Does the need for recess end?  Does the value of recess end?  I don’t think so.

Just because attention span increases a little, and our ability to sit still increases (again a little), our need for breaks that that make us squeal with joy don’t end.  But seemingly, we’ve structured life as if it did.

As part of good self care, I’m challenging myself — and you — to re-establish recess in our lives.

So if we’re going to re-establish recess, what are some of the ground rules?

1. Recess is something we have to do with other people.
2. Recess has to be doing something that brings squeals of joy, of delight.
3. Recess has to be fun.
4. Recess has to occur daily.

Since it’s been a long time since I’ve been part of recess, maybe you can help me think of some ways we can have recess now.  Comments are open!